Triad? Try Death!
Rise of the Triad. It's loud, it's obnoxious, it's gratuitously violent and it's available for pre-order. See above for more deathtails. It's one of those games we older, mature gamers publicly scoff at, looking down our noses at the purile, outdated, crude humour. Whilst sneakily slinking back to our secret laboraties, hidden behind a bookcase in the mahogany desked office of our prim and proper stately mansion. There to boot up the latest in cutting edge computer technology, ostensibly to solve all of the world's problems, find a cure for cancer, develop instantaneous teleportation devices and make the perfect utopia only we can envisage.
But in reality, we fire up games just like this and shoot the living shit out of everything we see. Gleefully cackling like the wild, crazed beasts we truly are beneath the veneer of respectability and a warm, sensible cardigan knitted by lobotmised sloths in patagonia. You think I'm making no sense? Well the video above makes no bloody sense. So if it's allowed, so am I damnit! Why are you even still here? The game is already up for pre-order on Steam, with the Apogee pack thrown in at no extra cost. What more do you want?