Assassin's Creed IV will promote and glorify whaling. Or, at least, that's what PETA are now up in arms about. Because, y'know, killing whales is such an abhorrent thing to do in a game series about...killing people. Are you freaking kidding me?

"There are so many creative minds at Ubisoft that are involved with the Assassin's Creed series, that we find it really disappointing that they feel the need to glorify whaling. PETA encourages video game companies to create games that celebrate animals, not games that promote hurting and killing them. This would be a different story if the game portrayed the cruelty and horror experienced when a whale is literally fleeing for her life and then shot with a harpoon — or even several harpoons — and forced to struggle for hours or be hacked apart while still alive aboard a ship. In Assassin's Creed 4, you get ahead by killing. Joe Shmoe who plays this game in his mother's basement in the safety and comfort of his home will feel a sense of accomplishment by killing this whale."

There you have it folks. Words of wisdom from PETA's Matt Bruce. I just don't even know what to say. So, I think, I will allow Ubisoft's Public Relations Manager, Mister Stone Chin (seriously, that really is his name, and you thought Chuck Norris was cool hiding a fist under his beard) to respond for all of us.

"History is our playground in Assassin's Creed. Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag is a work of fiction that depicts the real events during the golden era of pirates. We do not condone illegal whaling, just as we don't condone a pirate lifestyle of poor hygiene, plundering, hijacking ships, and over-the legal-limit drunken debauchery."

I think, Mister Bruce, you would greatly benefit from...suggestions on how to finish that sentence in the comments below.