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Fighting Game and Renaming StarCraft [100% totally real, absolutely]

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By CameronW01-04-2014

To insinuate that Blizzard’s new fighting game, Blizzard Outcasts: Vengeance of the Vanquished, is an April fool’s joke because it’s been posted on April fool’s day just like they do every year would be ridiculous. This game is 100% real and you should absolutely complain to your friends about it immediately. Heck, Blizzard even said it was real; “for realisies” even.

The real question this raises is who would win in a Street Fighter battle to the death. Wirt and his infinitely missing limbs? Mankrik’s wife and her infinitely beaten corpse? It doesn’t matter, because I guarantee that Dust Devil from Rock n’ Roll Racing would beat everyone.

Now fighting games aren’t real fighting games if you don’t have your own arcade stick to smash on the ground when someone beats you at the last second, and let’s be honest, it’s 2014, you’re going to need two or three spots to slide you, your partners, and your parents credit cards to maintain maximum efficiency when you’re going through all of these microtransactions. This controller looks like everyone at Razer went on a three day cocaine binge. There’s probably a parallel port on the other side of that thing.

Even as an April Fool’s day joke, if they’d put that Blizzard Outcasts was releasing on Linux it’d probably give the joke away more than the controller would. I mean, people fell for the guitar hero Bard class in Warcraft, c’mon. Next they’re going to say they’re making a MOBA or something.

Now at this point you’re either saying “I want this game it’s got to be real” or you’re screaming while playing StarCraft and pouring milk all over your face and doing backflips out of your chair (you probably shouldn't watch that if you're near small children or elderly people with heart conditions). Now, for the latter, don’t you worry, here’s StarCraft 2’s upcoming expansion’s new website.

Confused? It’s simple. HotS is the best acronym ever invented, if you disagree you can argue with the blog post.

So you can probably expect World of Warcraft: Huge Old Titan Spacemen, and Diablo 3: Hoarders of the Spellpenetration to be out in 2015 (but really 2016).


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Posts: 596

Hey, I expect an April fools summary from PJ!!!!