Rather unsurprisingly, this is EA after all, the new Dead Space "Story" trailer (see above, just in case you're blind and missed that whopping great video plastered across the top of the page, thus making me telling you about it useless, because you'd be blind and unable to, y'know, read the text too) has very little in the way of story in it. Oh sure, it has several snippets of exposition, which tell us that Ellie is now an Agent? Despite having her eye poked out with a screwdriver in the second game. And that her team was lost, for some reason, on Hoth, you're being sent in to find out why (hint, it's necromorphs) and...that's it. The rest of the dialogue is terribly profound, pretentious waffle about being made whole and Altman and blah blah blah heard all this, with a supposed close to that as it was supposed to be all about Isaac and Nicole reuniting their souls or...something and, yeah, more self indulgent tripe like that.

The rest of the 120ish seconds is taken up with panning shots and nasty things trying to munch people's faces off because they're desperate to be loved and appreciated. Yet, somehow, I actually still want this game. I feel like I'm the only person at Pixel Judge who does, but screw you guys! I'm an individual! It's okay for me to buy mainstream pulp, because I know it's bad! Or...something. But to end on a serious note, despite the obligatory controversy, this is EA after all, surrounding the game and the complete lack of, y'know, story in the story trailer, I still have confidence that the game will be as satisfying as the previous instalments. Not great perhaps, but still an acceptable way to spend £30/$50ish. Agree, or disagree, with me, as ever, in the comments below. I can take it. So come at me bro!