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A Bet on Duke is a Losing Bet

By Doubleplus04-02-2014

So recently, a website, by 3D Realms and Interceptor went up, containing a mysterious alien language, promising its translation once it reaches a certain amount of likes. However, this was foiled due to a few dataminers over on NeoGaf revealing that the announcement is for a new Duke Nukem game by Interceptor:

"The king makes his next generation debut in Duke Nukem: Mass Destruction, a top-down action role-playing game for PC and PlayStation. Duke Nukem kicks ass across planets in an Unreal Engine-powered galactic adventure to save the President from an apocalyptic alien threat. All new enemies, a never-before-seen arsenal of devastating weaponry and series-first mechanics, including experience points and tech trees, will let Duke rip 'em a new one in a way he never has before."

No. Nope. Negative. Nien. нет. いいえ.

Just No. That is how I feel about the fact that not only is Duke not just being left dead like the King deserves, but the fact that a top down RPG is being made by Interceptor, a developer who's latest work is that awfully made Rise of The Triad remake, but who's Frederik Schreiber recently commented on the Duke4Net forums:

"I'm also personally tired of Pigcops, Turd Jokes, and a Goofy Duke Nukem.

"I would love to see a Duke Nukem game, taken in a completely new direction. A way more serious and "Badass" Duke, with an epic plot. Something that really brings back Duke as an Action Hero.

"That reminds me of how tired I am of strippers, babes etc. in Duke Nukem games, which only degrades Duke's intelligence even more (there is nothing wrong with Duke Liking strippers and babes, but it shouldn't be the main plot of a game). Give us a Duke game without strippers, a great sinister villain than can break Duke (Think Bane from DK:Rising), a slightly older, and way more badass/gritty Duke, and a galactic plotline that can be taken seriously, and I'm Sold!"

NonononononoNO. Bad Interceptor. Bad Fredrick Schreiber. Duke ISN'T an action hero. Duke ISN'T just supposed to be a badass. He's a parody of 80s action movie stars. He's a parody of those exact "badass/gritty" action heroes that you are trying to turn him into. You are talking about trying to turn a character whose one of his most famous lines is "I'm going to rip off your head and shit down your neck" (Which he actually DOES) into something "serious" which 9 times out of 10 is means taking something light-hearted and funny and making it generic action movie drek. Pig cops, strippers and Duke's goofiness is what MAKES Duke Nukem. If you are so tired of it, just don't make Duke Nukem.

Let him die.

I know expectations are already Mariana trench low after Duke Nukem Forever, and none of this is actually confirmed, but when betting time comes, I'm putting my money on Serious Sam.

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Posts: 3290

This is a very, very bad idea