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Goat Simulator

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By Bobfish01-04-2014
MrJenssen (editor)
StuntmanLT (editor)
Goat Simulator

The Defence

Developer:
Coffee Stain Studios
Publisher:
Coffee Stain Studios
Genre:
Casual, Indie, Simulator
Release Date:
01-04-2014

The Prosecution

CPU:
Intel Core 2 Quad 2.0 GHz
AMD equivalent
VGA:
Nvidia GeForce 8800 GTS
AMD equivalent
RAM:
4 GB
HDD:
2 GB
DirectX:
9.0c

The Case

What is the difference between a goat? Who cares? Let’s get this out in the open from the outset. If you came here expecting a deep, thoughtful analysis of one of the most symbolically challenging narratives of the modern era...it’s fucking Goat Simulator!

The Trial

You are a goat, you can trash stuff. If you really need, or even want, to know more about this game before deciding if you want to buy it...dude, it’s Goat Simulator!

It’s a buggy, broken mess of unashamed stupidity. One of the achievements, I shit you not, is earned by making the game crash. There’s even a map on the Steam Workshop specifically designed solely for this purpose. Speaking of which, the workshop is already seeing an impressive amount of love, with new maps and goat skins already available prior to launch. I really don’t know what else you want to hear.

I can see my balls from here.

I can see my balls from here.

Graphically, it’s actually a pretty damn nice looking game. Sneaked through as a sandbox for new staff to play with, thus allowing them to get to grips with the Unreal Engine, it was always planned to be a full game depending on fan feedback. Feedback which was overwhelmingly positive because, well, it’s a game about a goat trashing everything in sight. Based on the inherent stupidity in the idea, and the fact that internet, the three or four months of development time was focused on ensuring the game doesn’t crash and has a lot to do. Everything else, any other bug you encounter, will never be fixed.

Seriously, it is a broken mess of idiocy that I simply cannot get enough of. No matter how many times you go launching yourself through the window of Coffee Stain Studios, headbutting them in the face, dragging Armin up the hill to be sacrificed to your demon goat overlords...it’s fun. And that’s all it wants to be. A simple sandbox with a goat, and things you can break. Bolstered by a completely open approach to modmaking, with the clear intention of allowing the community to make of the game what they will.

Hangin' wit mah homegoats.

Hangin' wit mah homegoats.

You could argue this approach is nothing more than the devs being lazy and throwing a cheap piece of crap out of the door...and you’d be right. But the key fact here, is that it’s an incredibly entertaining piece of crap, that’s not only cheap to make, but cheap to buy. Coffee Stain have been completely upfront about their intentions and have given us a great framework for something that we see so very little of in the video game industry these days. Amidst all the epic narratives and existential social commentary, Goat Simulator offers us something from a bygone era. Nothing more, or less, than a bit of easy fun.

The Verdict

It’s goofy, it’s utterly pointless, it’s broken and buggy, and it’s everything it should be. Laced with just enough subtle nuance, silly little Easter Eggs (Goathenge anyone) and clearly a labour of love. Goat Simulator is what you make of it. Or, more accurately, what the mod community will make of it. If you’re looking for something meaningful, this is not the game for you. If you want to have some fun, make some dumb YouTube videos and headbutt cars to make them explode? This is the game for you.

Case Review

  • Environments: All joking aside, the game is really, really nice to look at.
  • Goats: Lots of goats.
  • Physics: The goat is, intentionally, a lot heavier than it should be, allowing physics to do some very silly things.
  • Price: It is cheap, but it’s still on the line where it feels like it’s only just cheap enough.
  • Flappy Goat: Score 10 points for an achievement? THAT’S FUCKING EVIL!
5
Score: 5/5
Broken, stupid, pointless, idiotic, Goat Simulator has it all.

Appeal

Ladies and gentlemen, before you is the magnificent and ultra-realistic Goat Simulator! The simulation of all simulators that we’ve been praying for has finally graced our sacred platform. It has everything a gamer would expect, a playable goat with an attitude for the surrounding world around it, which ensnares it to headbutt, explore and destroy anything in sight. Accompanied by this crazy goat action is the unlimited amount of bugs you will experience in your goat adventures, which may or may not include your goat becoming twisted and demented, or forming itself into a demon as a reward for exploring and discovering goat-secrets, which translates well into playing a twilight version of Demon Goat Simulator.

Goat Simulator is purely ridiculous, as it is fun. It resembles and takes form as a parody for all simulators, by combining the silliness of stunts, repetitiveness of the surrounding and the Michael Bay style headbutt explosive action, it is probably the most relevant and most unique April Fools project to be released, and holds a stigma of imagination and meaning of games shouldn’t take themselves seriously all-of-the-time.

4.5
Score: 4.5/5

Appeal

You don’t need more than five minutes with Goat Simulator to fall in love with it. There’s something about that dead eyed, goofy little son of a gun that makes you fall in love with him immediately. It could be the beautifully rendered game environment that uses the Unreal Engine, or the way the sunlight glints off of his (or her, or even they, I’m not going to pretend to know what this goat is about) lolling tongue as its neck flops in the breeze. It’s a game that transcends “bad” and goes in to “messiah” territory. Think Ed Wood status, but with video games.

There are some “missions” in the game, mainly to teach you about everything that you can do. However, I’d say that Goat Simulator is more “free roam bizzaro GTA mod”, and less simulator. Sure, there’s a dedicated button for “baa”, as well as dedicated headbutt and bite buttons, but if you’re trying to imitate being a goat in Goat Simulator, you’re doing it wrong. Without even being ten minutes into the game, I delighted in watching some schmuck buying soda from the gas station convenience store fly in reaction to my swift and righteous ass-biting, starting a chain reaction that ended with liquor flying out of the window and setting the entire gas station on fire. Another chuckle-worthy note of the game is that when you find the backyard BBQ in your otherwise quiet neighborhood, you get a notification on screen that you’re a “party crasher” once you bring your goaty vengeance to their door.

There’s nothing not to like about Goat Simulator. The entire game is a joke making fun of itself, video games as a whole, and hell, even you for playing it. The music is fun and fitting, though I subbed out the music for my own, because let’s face it, seeing “MICHAEL BAY” flash on screen when you headbutt something to make it explode is a lot cooler to Rush than it is to background music of any video game. I’d recommend this game to everybody. Everybody should play it. Immediately. All hail our new goat overlords.

5
Score: 5/5
Comments (8)
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Posts: 1317

Of course, Cobb. And I appreciate the mod support. But you're still paying 10eur for a GAME, there should be some game in there too, then.

Bobfish, you're not pewdiepie. You're worse! D:

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Posts: 241

@MrJenssen, I think Total Biscuit described it similarly in his WTF of the game, as being 'youtube bait' :P. That said, steam workshop could be interesting if people come up with some unique stuff and maybe some structured goals apart from flail around because physics.

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Posts: 3290

Are you calling me Peediepie?

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Posts: 1317

9 euros isn't much. But this looks like a waste of time, to me. Feels like "pewdiepie: the game". Random substanceless and rather limited "fun". And as it so happens, I fucking hate pewdiepie.

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Posts: 3290

Steam workshop is already blowing up with new content. There's a lot of longevity on the horizon I assure you

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Posts: 241

One on hand, this looks fun in a really silly way, on the other hand it seems pretty limited from what I've seen and I would probably get bored of it before I got my money's worth.

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Posts: 3290

That is an understatement if ever I heard one

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Posts: 267

Flappy goat is impossible and a sure way do destroy your keyboard.